WHY I HATE THE KARDASHIANS

 

YET ANOTHER ADDENDUM to last week?!

In my defense, I have to write these early on Friday so we can get them into your hands. But 2 weeks in a row is embarrassing. I’m ashamed. The upfront of this email is dedicated to the queen herself, Ms. Britney Spears.

After a 14-year conservatorship that exploited her fame, her finances, and her talents, Britney is finally free.

Also Paris Hilton got married. And if you’re like “who CARES?” dig a little more into Paris (and Lindsay and Britney and Nicole and every other 2000s goddess the media just DESTROYED).

This week a DAO community crowdsourced to try to buy The Actual US Constitution, Taylor pissed off so many Sad Men, Harry Styles started a gender-neutral beauty brand, Adele released new music for the first time in six years, Shawn and Camilla broke up, THERE IS AN EFFING HARRY POTTER REUNION, and yet all I can think about is…

WHY I HATE THE KARDASHIANS

By Juliet Tierney

 

I used to be a Kylie Jenner stan. I waited with bated breath at the release of each makeup line and bought all the lip kits. I couldn’t get enough of the effortless cool with the dyed hair and the dark lips and the weird Tumblr-style Instagram stories. I watched as she morphed before my eyes from a slight-framed Jenner with her father’s physique to a dark, brooding Kim doppelganger. Every magazine cover featured her and every interviewer asked the same question - “is it real, are they real?” I was dying to know too. Weren’t we all? But she stayed silent. And I respected that. After all, can’t she do what she wants? Why is she beholden to all of us? To justify the actions she takes to improve her self-worth?

 

And then, one day,

I found myself in a plastic surgeon’s office as he put his hands on his hips and told me, “So many girls asking for lips. I can’t make them that big, you’ll look ridiculous.”

I shook my head.

“It doesn’t matter. Just make them biggER,” I replied. As my eyes watered, the surgeon shot 3/4 a vile of Juvederm into my lips, plumping my pout twice the size of its normal cupid’s bow. I went to work that day absolutely thrilled, the pain well worth the results. Then I went home. My mom took one look at me and asked, “what did you do?” There was panic in her eyes and then, there was panic in my voice.

 

“It’s not permanent.
They were just so thin!”

She shook her head and muttered words that stick with me to this day. Writing them makes me break out in hives. 

“You were just as beautiful before.”

 

Before. Before the Juvederm? Before the pervasive obsession our society has with this family? Before the filtered Instagrams? Before the augmented lips and Botoxed eyebrows and enhanced flat stomachs? Before the reality show and the spin-offs and the magazine covers and the famous rapper and NBA and NFL boyfriends and husbands? Before we were all constantly comparing ourselves to perfection that literally didn’t exist in human form? Before they capitalized on our every insecurity and profited off of it? Before they normalized appropriating Black culture for profit? Before 10 people died at a concert trying to get that much closer to the slightest brush of their impervious pedestal?

I don’t blame the Kardashians for my insecurity.

I’ve had it since childhood. Kylie didn’t slide into my DMs and slyly mention more boys would like me if my lips were twice their size. Insecurity is just what happens when you’re a pudgy lil’ dweeb growing up. But being a pudgy lil’ dweeb also fueled my fascination and infatuation with pop culture. And thus, the influence it had over my belief that I was not “enough.” It’s just life in 2021, people.

I do, however, blame the Kardashians for much of the vapid lack of accountability they feel when their sheer level of influence goes awry.

I wrote last week about AstroWorld and how celebrities put profit over human lives. It’s always happened, but the Kardashians perfected it. It’s in everything they do. Specifically this week in the quick diversion to Pete Davidson and Kim announcing their relationship. Travis and Kylie’s “apologies” had barely stained the last IG story screen before the news came out. Think about the timely release of Keeping Up With The Kardashians after Kendall’s Pepsi ad that suggested Pepsi might heel the racial injustices happening in our country and her tearful apology that victimized... herself. The way Khloe talks about being “bullied” for being “the fat one” and yet had a whole show called Revenge Body capitalizing on people LOSING WEIGHT to seek REVENGE over an ex. It’s in the way not a single one of them admits to any type of body modification and yet all of their faces look drastically different from years ago - that in itself is harmful. It’s not lying. It’s an omission (that link suggests they aren’t “asked” in interviews. Um, you’re asked MILLIONS of times, by your fans, in your comments. Go check). A very strategic and painful omission that would help so many young girls if they just knew - it’s not you, it’s money.

So yah,

I effing hate the Kardashians. I hate the unattainable body standards, the lack of accountability, the constant marketing diversions, the summation of wealth built on women’s insecurity, AND I HATE THAT THEY’RE RUINING PETE DAVIDSON!!!! I’m a hater.

 

PS. If you get Juvederm, Botox, boob jobs, butt jobs, nose jobs, WHATEVER, more power to you. It brought me solace in the moment and I cannot wait for my first Botox experience. All I’m saying is, you were just as beautiful before whoever told you those things you’re looking at were flaws.

This was me all week listening to Red.

OK and awwaayyy we goooo.

Lastly, on Friday afternoon news broke that Kyle Rittenouse’s verdict came back and he was found not guilty on all charges.

We’ll talk more about the criminal justice system and how it’s so deeply stacked against the Black community via institutional racism in a future newsletter but at this juncture, I encourage you all to check in on those in your community deeply affected by this news. And I will say that this NYT tweet is being RIPPED apart on social right now for the way it’s phrased:

That is it for today.