BEATING THE INTERNET TO DEATH

Hey!

As you could probably tell, last week I wasn’t really that ~online~. I mean I did stay up until midnight scrolling through TikTok, but that’s 3 hours less than normal. But you guys, I really went bonkers this week (see below intense amount of culture content). There was just so much going on.

 

If I see a New York Times article with a headline that reads “What TikTok Pasta and Emily’s Salmon Have in Common….” I will positively blow a gasket.

Here’s what I simply cannot stand: the second something goes viral the Normies of the world want to dissect it.

tiktokfetapasta.png

SO LET ME DISSECT IT FOR YOU —

it went viral cuz it’s easy and it fugging tastes good. What is so complicated about that? We are constantly overcomplicating the internet and internet culture. There are times when I think about how something so simple and so funny can just get absolutely massacred by people trying to “figure it out” and “capitalize on it.” Can’t we just let the internet LIVE? Sheesh.

And while we’re on the topic of those who beat the internet to death.

What about the people who literally should not be anywhere near the internet or decisions being made about it??

Enter - Connecticut Senator Richard Blumenthal. Admittedly, I know very little about the US government. I know the basics. But you will not catch me, a cultural and social strategist, marching into Washington with a full Drew sweatsuit, a claw clip, and tattoos trying to grill a US SENATOR about things he senates (but plz imagine that for a moment in your head, it’s funny AF. Also, I do not own a Drew sweatsuit because I have dignity, but I think this is how a lot of you probably imagine I dress). So can someone tell me why this chowderhead was allowed to grill Facebook’s head of safety, Antigone Davis, during a Senate Commerce Committee’s consumer protection subcommittee hearing?????

 

Let’s back up,

why is someone who doesn’t comprehend the notion of “finsta” even ON THIS COMMITTEE???

The internet is COMPLEX and there are SUBCULTURES. And while I really do not expect all Americans to comprehend what “nobody’s gonna know” and “I fear I may have girlbossed a bit too close to the sun” and “Tom’s house was broken into and he confronted the burglar and then had to go have eye surgery” are or even MEAN, I do not expect a grown a$$ man to understand what a FINSTA is.

Especially if he is on a subcommittee about consumer protection. MOSTLY BECAUSE FINSTA HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CONSUMER PROTECTION. Also, do what you will with this information, but this man is one of the wealthiest members of the Senate with a net worth of over $100M. Let this be a reminder, money does not buy brains.

ok, here we go…